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01 February 2009 @ 05:24 pm
Four Months Left: Ambitions  
I didn't mean for the title to be so choppy & fragment-y. But I'm still recovering from the fact that minutes ago, I had a huge page of livejournal post that was written and seconds ago I had pressed the "Add Buttons To Your Toolbar" button and all of it disappeared. And now I am trying to rewrite all of it. This is not the first time this has happened. Nonetheless, I shall stop dwelling on the loss and continue. Now, with January put behind us, I realized that,

I only have four f***ing months of school left.

Excuse the cussing. But I feel it is only necessary. It feels like ages ago when I first entered high school (and was deceived, thinking it would still be the flippant junior high life). And now, with only four months left of my high school life left, I figure I might as well make the best out of it. Utilize it well. Ironically, I am still doing homework. But that's just part of my innate nature of not liking seeing zeros or incompletion grades. Except when a one precedes the zeros. Like, in 100. Speaking of which, I came upon an interesting quote, in which the protagonist said (not verbatim, but something along these lines), "All the things that you fought for, your money, your power, they all mean zeros to me. It's only meaningful when I have a one in front of it, like my family." Now, isn't that clever? I think so.

After deep contemplation, I have decided that I would like to accomplish four things. Four seems like a small list, but it'll probably end up, for me at least, biting off more than I can chew off.

1. Draw/design more. By design, I mean fashion designing.

Which reminds me that I still have to do Fashion Update #2. I think previously I had said something like posting up the Spring 2009 RTW shows, when I really meant Fall 2009. Which are all up on the NYMag Fashion website. At least the designers that I care about are posted on the website. But yes, designing more. It also helps me be more in-cue with the fashion world.

2. Write more. Possibly a Chinese novel.

If you stopped at "Chinese novel" and went, "wtf?!", do not be alarmed. And I am quite serious about the Chinese novel part. I'm not sure when I struck up the idea, but currently, I am quite obsessed with the idea. I've tried several times to write a Chinese story, but it turned out to be a flop because I never had a clear direction in my stories. I've finally come up with a good story, though. So, I might as well use it, no? Which reminds me. The other day I was doing "research" aka reading Chinese novels, and came across the most popular Chinese novelist of the time. Turns out not only is he the richest author in China (as well as most-hated celebrity in China), he is a pretty boy. No joke. Many can testify to his pretty-boy-ness, including feona and Rae. So, while I was looking up more pictures of him, I came across a sad fact that, unfortunately,

He is of short stature. And not just like 5'6" short stature. I mean 5'1". A midget. A certified short midget. Who looks deceivingly tall in his up-view or upper-body photos.

I shed some more tears (not literally) yesterday after I visited his blog and found more pretty pictures of him. What a pity.

3. Play more piano. Do more with music.

I've been meaning to compose some music. I've never really composed for real. Usually I'll have a catchy tune stuck in my head in the middle of class (god forbid!) but by the time I'm home, the tune will have completely disappeared and be replaced by Britney Spears' whiney voice, courtesy school bus radio music. If only I could remember those songs. I don't have perfect pitch, so it's not like I can madly scribble down the notes on a notebook or a piece of paper.

So one of these days I'll sit down in front of my piano and stare at the white keys, trying to wrack a melody out of my head.

But by music, I mean more than just composing. I mean, in general, playing more piano and learning more pieces. I've been meaning to get my trio back together, which unofficially disbanded. The other two members are seniors, so I'm sure they have just as much free time as I do. I know for sure one of them does. The other member, however, is of a recluse kind. Not only is he mute, he's also deaf. A deaf-mute. Amazing, though, that he can play cello so nicely. But most definitely deaf. There was one time that I met him at the SAT testing center and embarrassingly called his name out 10 times (almost at top lung capacity), had to run like an idiot to catch up to him, shouting his name another five times, before he finally acknowledged my existence.

Also, if we play enough nice trio music, perhaps we could earn some money when the weather gets nicer and people feel like getting married. They pay a nice, ample amount of money for people to play at weddings. Oh, and, if anybody needs piano lessons or needs to be accompanied, please, by all means, recommend him/her to me. Another unofficial goal of mine is to get some money for myself.

4. Work out. (Via jump roping).

I do not kid. Jump roping is amazing. Look it up - it's a great cardiovascular exercise. But, nonetheless, I need to keep in shape.

But now I will digress onto another subject that I did not mention in the title. This came across me the other day during lunch, when one of my friends handed me a "dating match" survey, you know, one of those surveys where they ask you these random little facts about you and "match" you with somebody based on superficial traits, like favorite ice cream flavor or preferred super power. I figured it would do no harm filling out the survey, as I would not be giving out crucial information, like my social security number. After promptly filling out the survey I asked my friend what she would be using it for. She responded, rather nonchalantly,

"I'm trying to match up the Asian senior girls with the Asian senior guys."

OH GOD. Spare me. Now, I understand that this little survey was just for a little fun, but perhaps I had contemplated the matter a bit too deeply and had responded (perhaps too harshly) with, "Please, none of them are worth my time." I later took the statement back. Because perhaps it was a bit too harsh. But after deep thought, is that really not true?

I have no interest, honestly, in being matched with any of the Asian senior guys in my school. I know them all too well, from their self-righteousness belief (& arrogance) in them being "so smart" (which is really a load of BS). I can see through their nerdy glasses or their bad hair. Now, I'm not trying to shoot down an entire boatload of people, but it has been true in most of the cases. Because, in all honestly, none of them are very smart. To which my friend exclaimed, "But they're the smartest guys in the school!" Yeah, but our school was never exceptionally brilliant in the brain department. If they were "so smart" then why haven't they a) gotten into a better college than I have or b) why aren't they valedictorian instead of myself? There. Point proven.

Now, I seem to have come off a bit arrogant in the process. Okay, fine, I was pretty arrogant in that paragraph right there. But I think my arrogance is different from their arrogance. Because, at least, in a sense, I have the right to be. But then again, I am not always flaunting my arrogance, am I? Only when necessary - to shoot down too-large egos of guys (I swear, it has something to do with testosterone). And besides, I am not dumb enough to flaunt arrogance in front of smarter people. Smarter people I admire. Large balloon egos, not so much.

I'm sorry, (Asian senior) guys at my school. None of you are deemed very intelligent in my mind. It's not your fault, though. I think I'd rather be an old spinster than compromise with somebody who is of lower intelligence than myself. How can someone, who, mind you, can not even fathom or comprehend your own intelligence, truly understand you? You'd be surprised how much someone's intelligence makes up somebody. That is why I need to find someone who is smarter, or at least as smart as I am.

Now some of you may be, well, good luck finding someone like that. Thank you. I appreciate your wishes of good luck.

But not even intelligence is the issue. Maturity level is the other. Artistic level is another. Especially in the Asian guy department at my school. It's like they spent so much dabbling in the books and left maturity behind or something. Not that dabbling in books has made them more intelligent. As for artistic level, no comment.

Funny, though, because my friend said that "usually [these nerdy-ish guys] are the most sensitive and most nice." Yeah, biggest joke in my life. If they really were, they wouldn't be trying to bet their puny little brains on the line against mine. I don't think that last line made any sense. What I meant to say was that they are a) NOT sensitive at all. Or b) nice. They wouldn't know nice or sensitive if both of them hit them on their empty heads.

In the end, it feels like I've contemplated a small survey a little too much. Because we all know a soulmate will arise from the matching of favorite TV show or favorite music genre.

(I feel like this post became much more vindicative after all of my hard work was erased to a blank thanks to the Google toolbar.)
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➷ feonabrilliantglow on February 2nd, 2009 05:11 am (UTC)
Rofl. Truly, this is one of the most enjoyable posts I have ever read (especially about the last topic, LOL). I am losing sleep time in order to comment on this (I might as well be late to my first period tomorrow and get my second tardy → so close to my third one for a detention!) ._.

So I feel like typing formally for some reason (as in capitalizing things; no, my grammar is still bad). I just finished my essay on As You Like It, which is now one of my Shakespearean plays (besides Taming Of The Shrew ← I LOVE that play!).

Chinese novel idea: I can't wait to read it once I relearn simplified Chinese starting next year, ROFL. And yes, I am still depressed about his height. I showed a picture of him to my sister and she also thinks he's a pretty boy with high maintenance.

Music: Who is the other musician? So you playing on the piano, the deaf guy on cello (may I ask who he is?), and the third person?

Work out! Jump through a hula-hoop, it's better. I've been doing it in my gym class (actually, the hula-hoop was used for a dance routine, LOL).

OKAY. FINALLY. THE MAIN PART. ROFL, I don't know what to comment on design since I'm not artistic. But I do like fashion. :)

Oh, oh, oh. You and your high expectations. :P When you talk about the Asian guys at school, do you include the Middle-Eastern Asians or are you just focusing on the Southeastern Asians? The Middle-Eastern Asians (or the Indians) are pretty smart. As for the Southeastern Asians (or oriental), they are smart too. But then, maybe someone like Chiaki is truly compatible with you. ;D ;D ;D And aw, not all the senior guys have huge egos. >.< But I don't want you to start on a rampage of why they are all egotistic so lol, ignore that. -_- ROFL on the nerdy nice guys part. I had to agree with what she was saying, well I half-agree. Some of the nerds can be really mean and protective of their answers and homework. They're the super-duper nerds that no one can get along with. D: D: D: Total anti-socials too. My friend and I tried talking to one who was in my grade last year. He totally snapped at me and my friend. We avoided him at all cost after that incident. (I think he thinks we were trying to make fun of him?!?! Really, am I that type of person who gives off such a disposition? I was pretty hurt. D:)

And that data match survey is totally bogus.
And what a witty quote. :D

(oh wow, what a useless comment. whatever. i still like your post.)
➷ feonabrilliantglow on February 2nd, 2009 05:22 am (UTC)
Oh yeah, by the way, there is an option of autosave draft of a livejournal post. So I don't get why when you reloaded your livejournal editor, why it didn't ask you to restore your previous autosave draft. O_o
A.xingjing on February 3rd, 2009 12:39 am (UTC)
Yes, I too was puzzled. But it seems like the LJ Autosave draft thing is completely arbitrary. It asked me if it wanted to upload a draft in which I didn't even need to be saved (because I'd already posted the post). And this isn't the first time either, that Autosave has crashed on me.

Whatever. You can't rely on technology these days. The other day my computer almost died on me. I would have really cried, because my computer has ALL OF MY CRAP in it. All of it.
voicelessdreamsvoicelessdreams on February 3rd, 2009 03:17 am (UTC)
i love how what started out as a list of thing to do within the four months became this rant of what you look for in a guy that you will date in the future.

very amusing.